Calvin’s Hub

If you’re looking for ideas on what to give a baby or a toddler, here are five that I got from Cracked.com. Oh yeah, our friend’s kid is going to turn one this September so let’s see if some of these would make a good gift.

Their writeup is hilarious so I’m just gonna post them here instead of writing something new. Here we go:

5. Daddle

Sure, you could provide “horsie rides” without it, but then you wouldn’t have a baby toy that doubles as an accoutrement for submissive sex play.

Not many kids toys come with the advisory “Don’t leave children unattended with this toy. Also never forget your safeword.”

4. Zaky Infant Pillow

The Zaky Infant Pillow will simulate your touch to soothe your child into rest, provided the baby is accustomed to being palmed by disembodied sausage-fingers.

They are weighted to remain firmly positioned, which is useful to parents who don’t want to baby’s first memory to be “The time mommy’s massive foreman hands mercilessly pinned me down”

3. Po-knee

The cleverly named Po-Knee brings the technology of faux pony rides into the new millenium. Never before has Creepy Uncle bait been so sophisticated.

Parents, always verify the individual offering a spirited Po-Knee ride is wearing pants.

2. Bucktooth Pacifier

Not only is this unspeakably cute , it comes with additional benefits as well. This gift will encourage random people to point and laugh at your baby, the one individual who isn’t in on the joke.

This will help educate your baby on the soul-crushing bleakness that this world will rain upon them through the whole of their painful, pathetic lives. It’s a small price to pay to have your baby wook wike a widdle bunny-wabbit! Awwwww!

1. Baby Mop

Inventors in Japan are fed up with babies constantly making messes and never cleaning up after themselves. Introducing the baby mop, this leverages the all natural cleaning power of drool to buff your floors to a high shine. Please note that extended wear on carpet may build a static charge equivalent to licking a car battery.

There you go. Actually, the title for the article where I got these items is 20 Baby Products Great For Traumataizing Infants. Go check it out for loads of laugh.

Anna, I’ll order one Baby Mop for Mace. Hehehe.

You might also be interested in:

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• Win a Php1000 Gift Certificate from Pizza Hut
• Yannie’s Charging Station can be a nice gift this Christmas

Filed under: Humor