Calvin's Hub » Humor

Kontrabida Quotes Collection

Calvin — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 09:49:30 +0000

Haven’t posted something in my Humor section so I’m going to do that today. I have a friend in Facebook who keeps on posting Kontrabida Quotes every once in a while and I’m going to compile them here.

Enjoy!

1. “Everyone’s entitled to be stupid, but you’re abusing the privilege!”

2. “Gusto ko pag pasok ko, ipagtitimpla mo agad ako ng kape. Yung dark, very dark. Kasing pait ng buhay na ipatitikim ko sa ‘yo!”

3. “Mabuti ka pa, mayaman ako. Samantalang ako, mahirap ka. Anong palagay mo sa akin, tanga ka?”

4. “Di pa tapos ang misyon ko, ipinanganak ako para guluhin ang buhay mo!’”

5. “Mabilis ba mabuntis ang mga bobo? Bakit ang dami niyo?”

6. “Ang guwapo ng boyfriend mo, mula ulo MUKHANG PAA.”

7. “What a coincidence…UGLY starts with ‘U’.”

8. “ Magtanim na tayo ng maraming damo, kasi dumadami din ang mga mukhang kabayo.”

9. “Whatever look you were aiming for? You missed.”

10. “Parang ang sarap makipaglaro sa yo pare, agawan ng girlfriend..Agawin ko girlfriend mo, subukan mo kunin pabalik. Game?”

11. “Kailangan na natin ng bagong biktima. Hindi na humihingi ng awa ang isang ito.”

12. “Giniginaw ako. Magsunog ng alipin!”

13. “Wag ka mag-alala, malapit nang mawala sa uso ang skinny jeans.”

14. “Gusto mo maglaro tayo? Agawan ng mana.”

15. “Siguro taga-Marikina ka, kasi mukha kang takong!”

16. “Ipinanganak ako para guluhin ang buhay mo!”

Ok I don’t know if these were used in movies or tv series but kindly comment if some sounds familiar to you. I personally like number 10. Hahaha.

And if you haven’t read Mark’s pickup lines that I posted ages ago, here’s a link to it.

No related posts.

Why are people looking for Kobe Bryant’s gay photos?

Calvin — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 04:56:00 +0000

Hahaha. I just had to share this. For the past week, I never fail to see “Kobe Bryant Gay” as one of my site’s top keyword search from Google.

I’m sure it has something to do with the NBA Finals but I posted some hilarious photos of Laker’s star Kobe Bryant a couple of years ago when I was still with WordPress.com and people are still viewing it till now. That post consistently reach 200+ pageviews for the past week so if you still haven’t seen it, do check it out.

Try searching it in Google (using the keywords “kobe bryant gay”) and see if my site pops up in the first page. And no, Kobe’s not gay but the photos sure are funny.

There should be no place in the web for “jejemons”

Calvin — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 01:43:00 +0000

You might be wondering what the heck is a “jejemon”. Initially, I thought it was those people who often type “hehehe” as “jejeje” accidentally because they’re typing too fast without looking at the keyboard. Turns out it goes much deeper than that.

Here’s a nice description of what a jejemon is according to Urban Dictionary.

Usually seen around social networking sites such as Friendster and Multiply, jejemons are individuals with low IQs who spread around their idiocy on the web by tYpFing LyK diZS jejejeje, making all people viewing their profile raise their eyebrows out of annoyance.

I couldn’t think of any way to describe it more aptly than that.

In my limited knowledge of “jolog-lore”, I believe that the father of the jejemons is “Lil Zuplado” and the mother would probably be “Lhady Malditah”. Observe the bio that propeleld Lil Zuploado to internet jologs stardom.

Gaahh!! This is worse than l33t-speak. You can easily get an aneurism reading that. Gay linggo, I can tolerate and even get amused from it but this jeje-speak is ridiculous. It’s the most extreme to being a jolog that a person can get and it’s very irritating.

They can rule the Friendster and Multiply-land but please stay away from Facebook or Tumblr which I think is already too late because Lil Zuplado already has a Facebook Fan Page. Go ahead search for it if you have nothing else better to do.

And if you want to annoy the hell out of someone with some jeje-speak, check out Jejemon.com to help you translate your normal speak.

Got to kill ‘em all Jejemons! Even presidential candidate Gibo Teodoro has something to say to them Jejemons.

Gibo against Jejemons

And there’s also the jejemons’ candidate, Jejemon Binay. Hahaha!

Oh well, I think that “jejemons” are already part of our urban culture. I just hope it will die a quick death. If you’re insane and can’t get enough of Lil Zuplado and Lhady Malditah check out their own page in Facebuko. Hehehe.

Introducing the Hello Kitty chainsaw

Calvin — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 10:19:28 +0000

Feast your eyes on this magnificent implement for zombie killing tool for cutting trees that any effeminate timber-cutting lumberjill (if such person exists) would want to have this coming Valentine’s Day.

Hahaha. This one is just so wrong. Mixing the adorable Hello Kitty branding with a bloody chainsaw? Can you think of any application for this thing?

Replacing a lumberjack’s chainsaw with this one as a prank?
Don’t want your husband borrowing your tools?
Props for a movie spoof? Hello Kitty Chainsaw Massacre

I don’t know if this thing is real or photoshopped but I won’t be surprised if this Hello Kitty chainsaw makes it way to some video games as a custom item. Left 4 Dead maybe?

Via: HyperGear

Classified ads turned into funnies

Calvin — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:00:50 +0000

I always find the classified ads section of Buy&Sell more amusing compared to the boring funnies/comics section of a newspaper. There’s this guy who took online classifieds into another level of comedy by corresponding to them and posting the e-mail thread onto his site, DontEvenReply.com.

The site a real time-waster but it’s a blast to read if you’re into e-mail pranks. Here’s a sample:

Original ad:
WANTED – Microwave
I am looking for a used microwave. WHITE ONLY

From Me to *********@************.org:
I have a LG microwave that I want to sell for $30. I am aware that your ad said whites only, but I am an African American. I sincerly hope that this won’t be a problem for you, and we can put race issues aside and just do business.
Thank you,
Jamal
From Amy ****** to Me:
I am so sorry that you misread my ad. I meant the microwave should be white, because it would match my kitchen.
Amy
From Me to Amy ******:
Oh, so because I am black, you think that I can’t read? It really is amazing that the world we live in is still so racist. I’m sorry, but your insults have left me feeling sick. I don’t think I can sell my microwave to a bigot.
Sincerely offended,
Jamal

Hehe, go check out the site for more of these exchanges.

Of course this is nothing new as Jerry Seinfeld and Ted L. Nancy compiled their own funny correspondences with real high-profile people into a book called “Letters from a Nut”.

Funny stuff we saw in China

Calvin — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 12:44:48 +0000

In different countries, one can expect to see some funny stuff especially in non-English speaking countries including ours. Yep, I’m talking about funny signs with English translations.

Here are a couple of signs with funny English translations we saw in China during our trip their last December. I know there are lots more but we weren’t paying that much attention.

Here’s something we saw on a revolving door of an office building. Hmmm… I clearly get the first part but what’s with the “automatism leaves”?

This sign is from one of the grassy areas at the Olympic park. I don’t know what they put on the grass to make them smile but this is creepy. Yes, I’ll detour!

Found on a glass panel in a subway station. Sorry Scotty, we can’t beam here.

So if you’re going on a new country, always have your camera with you on the ready and be on the alert for some funny signs.

And for a bonus, here’s something my wife and sister saw in a department store at Datong.

See anything wrong with it? Ok I’ll give you a few more seconds. Feminine wipes are pretty common here but I didn’t know that men also have their own wipes. At least, men from China does. Anybody wants ‘em? My sister actually bought it for me to post it here. Hahaha.

Funny Halloween costume ideas for kids

Calvin — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:04:51 +0000

Tomorrow there will be trick or treating at the office and our team did a good job making our area a scary one. There will be a lot of kids tomorrow to participate in the trick or treat and there will be a prize for the best costume.

I hope I get to see some costumes tomorrow that are as cool as these:Hahaha. I don’t know how the kid will be able to walk on these but babies are fun to dress as the tree car freshener. Hahaha.

This is way cool…. although you won’t be able to carry your goodie bag.

Another funny costume for babies. This time it’s a fart bag. Hehehe.

Meet Pimpbaby! Give him a pimp cane and more bling and he’s all set.

A turtle or a merboy? I don’t know exactly but costume will make any kid cute.

It’s a pea in a pod baby! Hahaha.

Now who in the world wants to dress up as a toilet? Greedy kids that’s who. You can fill the bowl with treats and still have two available hands for more.

“No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!” Ok this is not exactly for kids but employees are also encouraged to come in costume and this one would be perfect for my boss. Hahaha.

Some of the ideas for this compilation I got from www.workitmom.com. Credits goes to them!

Facebuko by Jonas Roque is simply funny

Calvin — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 07:21:18 +0000

Have you guys heard of the site called Facebuko by blogger Jonas Roque? It’s a witty Worpdress site using the awesome Facebook theme, “Smells Like Facebook”.

Ainun Nazieb, the creator of the theme, did a great job mimicking Facebook. The implementation was nicely done where each blog post is displayed as a Facebook wall. Just like in Facebook, you can like a post or comment on it.

But Jonas brought it to another level when he created a lot of users portraying popular celebrities local and foreign. Then he spoofs current events and pinoy pop culture while gently injecting Facebook pieces from time to time in his posts.

Only in Facebuko you will see Manny Pacquiao playing Mafia Wars or PGMA playing Restaurant City. You can also see exchanges between popular Tayong Dalawa casts like Audrey, JR, Lola Getz and Ramon. But my favorite Facebuko user would probably be Patrick Star of Bikini Bottom.

There are a lot of fans already and you can see there’s a huge amount of discussion generated per post. I’m guessing it will become more popular come election campaigning time.

Hey Jonas if you’re reading this and want help with content ideas, I may have a few suggestions. Kudos to your site man!

Yahoo! Answers is one of the funniest site on the internet

Calvin — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 08:00:46 +0000

Yahoo! Answers is a place where you can ask just about anything and people can help you. I used to answer questions there but grew tired of it.

Over time it evolved into one funny site. There are lots of people asking dumb questions (mostly about relationship) intentionally or not and answers offered by some people are really hilarious.

Here are some that I’ve seen (these are not made up, click the image to check):

There are also tech-related questions:

and those asking for medical advice:

LOL! I got these from Yahoo! WackJobs but it seems that the site has stopped updating. It would be great if there’s a huge collection of these funny Yahoo! Answers entries. Maybe compile it into a book or something.

Microsoft’s mad Photoshop skillz

Calvin — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 14:44:41 +0000

Now here’s something that talks about Microsoft’s Photoshop skill or the lack thereof.

Check out this splash photo of Microsoft’s U.S. web site.

Now here’s the image that was previously in their Polish site. I’ll give you a minute to study it.

Don’t see the difference yet? In the Polish image, check out the dude in the middle with a bad case of scoliosis. Or maybe a disproportionate head. It’s not clear with the small image but they did not change his hand.

Man I feel sorry for the one responsible for this race-swap. Or the guy who did a really bad job attaching the white guy’s head.

Microsoft already apologized and replaced the image on their Polish site with the original one.

If I would guess, that laptop in the middle is Macbook with Apple logo photoshopped off. Hehehe.