Calvin's Hub » Humor

SC spokesman Jose Midas Marquez funniest reaction

Calvin — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 10:58:02 +0000

This one would fit a microblog but since I don’t have one, I’m going to post it here.

It’s of Supreme Court spokesman Jose Midas Marquez showing a bit of delicadeza in his reaction to a mic falling off the podium. Unfortunately, it was caught on live TV and somebody recorded and uploaded it on Facebook immediately.

This is the Supreme Court spokesperson and Court Administrator Jose Midas Marquez.

Photo courtesy of Inquirer

This is what happens when he gets startled.

Hehehe. Si Tita Mids talaga. Funny! Here’s the full video of Midas Marquez from Facebook.

DPWH Photoshop fiasco now an internet meme

Calvin — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 11:07:34 +0000

After Typhoon Pedring hit Manila last week, a photo appeared on the DPWH Facebook page showing officials inspecting the damage done by the typhoon along Roxas Boulevard. But wait, did you see anything wrong in this photo? Looks like they are floating.

Turns out that the photo posted on their Facebook page (now removed) was photoshopped and a sharp civil engineer saw through the duplicity and called it in his blog. After getting its huge share of the criticism in social networking sites and news wires, DPWH pulled down the photo and issued a public apology. [Inquirer.net]

However, the photos of Undersecretary Romeo Momo, Director Reynaldo Tagudando and District Engineer Mikunug Macud are now transformed into an internet meme. Creative Pinoys just can’t help themselves in plastering the three officials into anything they could get their hands on. There’s even a Facebook Page (DPWHere) for you to get the transparent version and upload your photos.

I looked through the photos and here are the top DPWH photoshop images that I found:

My all-time favorite though is that when these three guys were immortalized in The Simpsons.

I don’t know if this is a real episode or not but the guy who made this is genius. Even the treatment was amateur Photoshop-like, with the floating look and all. Simply genius!

Ophiuchus ruined our marriage

Calvin — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 03:49:20 +0000

Relax. It didn’t. It’s just one of the funny comments I’ve read about a couple finding that they’re not compatible anymore due to the introduction of a new zodiac sign called Ophiuchus. Yes, this latest addition to our zodiac is getting a lot of headlines since yesterday.

A lot of people woke up to a new zodiac sign when the Minnesota Planetarium Society found that because of the moon’s gravitational pull on Earth, the alignment of the stars was pushed by about a month. According to them, here is where the real signs of the Zodiac should fall.

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

So what’s an Ophiuchus person like?

The constellation Ophiuchus represents a man wrestling a serpent, dividing the snake’s body in two parts. It is the only sign of the zodiac linked to real men, sharing traits with Imhotep, a 27th century BCE Egyptian doctor, and biblical Joseph.

Like Imhotep, Ophiuchus is considered a healer of men and a doctor of medicine or science. He seeks higher education and enlightenment. He is expected to achieve a high position in life.

Like Joseph, he is an interpreter of dreams and vivid premonitions. He is envied by his peers and favored by his father and authority figures.

[Time.com]

Not true!

But leading astrological experts say this won’t change things at all because Western astrology strictly adheres to the tropical zodiac, which is fixed to seasons. The sidereal zodiac, observed in the East, is the one affixed to constellations, and is thus the one that would change.

Other experts also say that the new sign and dates only apply to people born after Novermber 2009 when the constellation shifted.

Funny lines

I really don’t care much about these astrological stuff but here are some more funny comments elicited by Ophiuchus which means serpent-bearer by the way.

Wow. Apparently there’s a new Zodiac sign called Ophiuchus. That sounds like it could be an STD, a Greek God, or Oprah’s scientific name.

But I just got this cool looking Virgo tattooed on my ankle yesterday!!!

So it turns out I’m a Gemini. Finally a scientific explanation for my multiple personality disorder!

I’m no longer good looking & witty but on the plus side I’m very practical with money and neat and tidy.

I have no Idea how to be a Sagittarius. Anybody wanna give pointers?

Darn! I was hoping I might be Ophiuchus, because it sounds mysterious and grand. But I’m kind of glad I’m not an Ophiuchus because it might take a long time to figure out how to pronounce it.

Are psychics and astrologers giving refunds?

This means I’m no longer a god-like being that all who meet bow down to? Now i have the personality of a starved weasel in heat that must avoid elevators and little old ladies on escalators?

Hey, this is great! My wife and I are now compatible!

And from now on, blue will be known as orange; flowers will be called dogs; beer will be referred to as curtains; and cars shall be christened pants.

I went from a Scorpio to a Virgo and my sister went from a Virgo to a Leo, but my father and brother are still Tauruses. I guess we get new coffee mugs, but they don’t.

There’s just no way i can adjust to going from Scorpio to Libra. No way I tells ya. As a Scorpio I could get away with soooo many things. whenever i was being bad people would say “Well he’s a Scorpio after all”. now what am i supposed to do? blame it on the voices? huh? What dagnabbit?

OMG! You have the nerve to tell me this at the age of almost 61! You mean I chose the wrong mate, and these intervening 25 years of blissful happiness have all been a lie. Are you saying that blue may not, in fact, be my favorite color — or worse yet, 8 might not be my lucky number? What about those days I called in sick to work because my horoscope advised me to avoid problems at work? Is there a way for me to reclaim that ill-used leave? How can I explain to my friends who have grown accustomed to “happy-go-lucky” me that I am actually “brooding and sullen” and that this has all been just an act? Okay, okay, I will jettison the mate, change the job, dye my eyebrows a different color, and start playing new lucky lottery numbers (finally, I understand why I have never won anything). But, OMG, the opportunities I have lost over the past six decades. Someone has some ‘splainin’ to do!

The ultimate mug for the camera buff

Calvin — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 10:40:48 +0000

When I saw this mug I just have to share it to people. This is one awesome-looking mug that would really make a great present to a camera buff.

It’s the Camera Lens Mug! Looks like a real 24-105mm lens with a lens-cap for the lid, rubber-grip focus and zoom rings. You can’t help put pour some hot coffee or hot chocolate on it with people watching. Nice!

This mug holds 16oz. of liquid and costs $24. It may be a bit pricey for a mug but if you can buy a $500 worth of camera lens then you won’t mind dishing another $24 for a kick-ass mug. I want one!!

My cousin said that she saw these at the bazaar in Rockwell selling for Php1,500. Go check it out. Look at the rest of the photos!!

Kontrabida Quotes Collection

Calvin — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 09:49:30 +0000

Haven’t posted something in my Humor section so I’m going to do that today. I have a friend in Facebook who keeps on posting Kontrabida Quotes every once in a while and I’m going to compile them here.

Enjoy!

1. “Everyone’s entitled to be stupid, but you’re abusing the privilege!”

2. “Gusto ko pag pasok ko, ipagtitimpla mo agad ako ng kape. Yung dark, very dark. Kasing pait ng buhay na ipatitikim ko sa ‘yo!”

3. “Mabuti ka pa, mayaman ako. Samantalang ako, mahirap ka. Anong palagay mo sa akin, tanga ka?”

4. “Di pa tapos ang misyon ko, ipinanganak ako para guluhin ang buhay mo!’”

5. “Mabilis ba mabuntis ang mga bobo? Bakit ang dami niyo?”

6. “Ang guwapo ng boyfriend mo, mula ulo MUKHANG PAA.”

7. “What a coincidence…UGLY starts with ‘U’.”

8. “ Magtanim na tayo ng maraming damo, kasi dumadami din ang mga mukhang kabayo.”

9. “Whatever look you were aiming for? You missed.”

10. “Parang ang sarap makipaglaro sa yo pare, agawan ng girlfriend..Agawin ko girlfriend mo, subukan mo kunin pabalik. Game?”

11. “Kailangan na natin ng bagong biktima. Hindi na humihingi ng awa ang isang ito.”

12. “Giniginaw ako. Magsunog ng alipin!”

13. “Wag ka mag-alala, malapit nang mawala sa uso ang skinny jeans.”

14. “Gusto mo maglaro tayo? Agawan ng mana.”

15. “Siguro taga-Marikina ka, kasi mukha kang takong!”

16. “Ipinanganak ako para guluhin ang buhay mo!”

Ok I don’t know if these were used in movies or tv series but kindly comment if some sounds familiar to you. I personally like number 10. Hahaha.

And if you haven’t read Mark’s pickup lines that I posted ages ago, here’s a link to it.

Why are people looking for Kobe Bryant’s gay photos?

Calvin — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 04:56:00 +0000

Hahaha. I just had to share this. For the past week, I never fail to see “Kobe Bryant Gay” as one of my site’s top keyword search from Google.

I’m sure it has something to do with the NBA Finals but I posted some hilarious photos of Laker’s star Kobe Bryant a couple of years ago when I was still with WordPress.com and people are still viewing it till now. That post consistently reach 200+ pageviews for the past week so if you still haven’t seen it, do check it out.

Try searching it in Google (using the keywords “kobe bryant gay”) and see if my site pops up in the first page. And no, Kobe’s not gay but the photos sure are funny.

There should be no place in the web for “jejemons”

Calvin — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 01:43:00 +0000

You might be wondering what the heck is a “jejemon”. Initially, I thought it was those people who often type “hehehe” as “jejeje” accidentally because they’re typing too fast without looking at the keyboard. Turns out it goes much deeper than that.

Here’s a nice description of what a jejemon is according to Urban Dictionary.

Usually seen around social networking sites such as Friendster and Multiply, jejemons are individuals with low IQs who spread around their idiocy on the web by tYpFing LyK diZS jejejeje, making all people viewing their profile raise their eyebrows out of annoyance.

I couldn’t think of any way to describe it more aptly than that.

In my limited knowledge of “jolog-lore”, I believe that the father of the jejemons is “Lil Zuplado” and the mother would probably be “Lhady Malditah”. Observe the bio that propeleld Lil Zuploado to internet jologs stardom.

Gaahh!! This is worse than l33t-speak. You can easily get an aneurism reading that. Gay linggo, I can tolerate and even get amused from it but this jeje-speak is ridiculous. It’s the most extreme to being a jolog that a person can get and it’s very irritating.

They can rule the Friendster and Multiply-land but please stay away from Facebook or Tumblr which I think is already too late because Lil Zuplado already has a Facebook Fan Page. Go ahead search for it if you have nothing else better to do.

And if you want to annoy the hell out of someone with some jeje-speak, check out Jejemon.com to help you translate your normal speak.

Got to kill ‘em all Jejemons! Even presidential candidate Gibo Teodoro has something to say to them Jejemons.

Gibo against Jejemons

And there’s also the jejemons’ candidate, Jejemon Binay. Hahaha!

Oh well, I think that “jejemons” are already part of our urban culture. I just hope it will die a quick death. If you’re insane and can’t get enough of Lil Zuplado and Lhady Malditah check out their own page in Facebuko. Hehehe.

Introducing the Hello Kitty chainsaw

Calvin — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 10:19:28 +0000

Feast your eyes on this magnificent implement for zombie killing tool for cutting trees that any effeminate timber-cutting lumberjill (if such person exists) would want to have this coming Valentine’s Day.

Hahaha. This one is just so wrong. Mixing the adorable Hello Kitty branding with a bloody chainsaw? Can you think of any application for this thing?

Replacing a lumberjack’s chainsaw with this one as a prank?
Don’t want your husband borrowing your tools?
Props for a movie spoof? Hello Kitty Chainsaw Massacre

I don’t know if this thing is real or photoshopped but I won’t be surprised if this Hello Kitty chainsaw makes it way to some video games as a custom item. Left 4 Dead maybe?

Via: HyperGear

Classified ads turned into funnies

Calvin — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:00:50 +0000

I always find the classified ads section of Buy&Sell more amusing compared to the boring funnies/comics section of a newspaper. There’s this guy who took online classifieds into another level of comedy by corresponding to them and posting the e-mail thread onto his site, DontEvenReply.com.

The site a real time-waster but it’s a blast to read if you’re into e-mail pranks. Here’s a sample:

Original ad:
WANTED – Microwave
I am looking for a used microwave. WHITE ONLY

From Me to *********@************.org:
I have a LG microwave that I want to sell for $30. I am aware that your ad said whites only, but I am an African American. I sincerly hope that this won’t be a problem for you, and we can put race issues aside and just do business.
Thank you,
Jamal
From Amy ****** to Me:
I am so sorry that you misread my ad. I meant the microwave should be white, because it would match my kitchen.
Amy
From Me to Amy ******:
Oh, so because I am black, you think that I can’t read? It really is amazing that the world we live in is still so racist. I’m sorry, but your insults have left me feeling sick. I don’t think I can sell my microwave to a bigot.
Sincerely offended,
Jamal

Hehe, go check out the site for more of these exchanges.

Of course this is nothing new as Jerry Seinfeld and Ted L. Nancy compiled their own funny correspondences with real high-profile people into a book called “Letters from a Nut”.

Funny stuff we saw in China

Calvin — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 12:44:48 +0000

In different countries, one can expect to see some funny stuff especially in non-English speaking countries including ours. Yep, I’m talking about funny signs with English translations.

Here are a couple of signs with funny English translations we saw in China during our trip their last December. I know there are lots more but we weren’t paying that much attention.

Here’s something we saw on a revolving door of an office building. Hmmm… I clearly get the first part but what’s with the “automatism leaves”?

This sign is from one of the grassy areas at the Olympic park. I don’t know what they put on the grass to make them smile but this is creepy. Yes, I’ll detour!

Found on a glass panel in a subway station. Sorry Scotty, we can’t beam here.

So if you’re going on a new country, always have your camera with you on the ready and be on the alert for some funny signs.

And for a bonus, here’s something my wife and sister saw in a department store at Datong.

See anything wrong with it? Ok I’ll give you a few more seconds. Feminine wipes are pretty common here but I didn’t know that men also have their own wipes. At least, men from China does. Anybody wants ‘em? My sister actually bought it for me to post it here. Hahaha.